FHM: Bikini Heaven
For most women, travelling abroad is a skill that cannot be performed without 23 suitcases and a plethora of shoewear. Which wouldn't be a problem, were they not always to be found at the front of the airport check-in queue, fruitlessly arguing with bored officials about "excess luggage laws," while everyone else patiently watches their plane depart from gate three.
But should the intrepid traveller ever find the delectable Jordan standing in front of him, he can breathe a sigh of relief, because she travels light. "I've learned that whatever I take with me never gets worn," insists the bouncy Brighton lass. "All I need is my mobile phone, a bottle of perfume, my toothbrush and a G-string."
In fact, the only man not to appreciate such a shrewd packing technique is current boyfriend, boy band Another Level's Dane Bowers. "When I'm on the beach with him, I have to lie down if I want to wear a G-string, and I'm certainly not allowed to walk down to the water wearing one. He's just protective I suppose."
But bum-covering etiquette aside, what's truly intriguing FHM is whether a 22-year-old woman with a silicone chest reputedly bursting out at the 34FF mark, can do anything other than bob about on the water like a large rubber duck.
"Oh, they don't make a difference," she laughs, "If I let all the air out of my body, I still sink to the bottom, so they wouldn't be much use if I was drowning. It does fascinate me the way they look when I swim on my back - they're like two huge floating eggs."
And how did the natives of Borneo react to the sight of our ardent professional doing her utmost to remove any last-minute white bikini lines?
"I suppose they looked, but that's just because my breasts look massive, don't they? You've got to get them brown, and I haven't found a good fake suntan lotion yet."
Back home, however, Blighty's cooler climate brings with it a slightly frostier reception, and although Jordan is no stranger to a little abuse from the lesser-breasted lady - "I get it all the time. They stick their chests out and take the piss, even when I'm with Dane" - FHM encounters a sudden burst of modesty when we approach the excellent topic of women cat-fights.
Mercifully, fellow model Michelle Clack, who's listening in to our conversation, fills in the blanks. "We were in the Escape Club in Brighton once, and a girl spent the whole night following Jordan around, giving her stick. So she turned around, smacked her one, and sent her flying back into the crowd."
"I did ask her nicely," Jordan chuckles, before the question of breast reduction for the man of her dreams gets her rather serious again. "If they take me, then they take the whole package. And if they don't like that, then tough." |
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